I, The Hypocrite

The eyes stare,
Yet, they refuse see,
The heart griefs,
Yet, a smile is potrayed,
who am i?
I am he,
The hypocrite.
And I,
sad as it may seem,
find my way,
in the lives of many,
for many can't live in the bitter truth.
I am not good,
But I am needed,
to go through hardship,
To surpass vivid obsticles,
I, will sure survive,
In the hearts of men,
As long as men relies,
On little white lies.

A silent cry

deafening the spirit,
gripping the soul,
Haunting the nights as it lurks.

You try to escape,
yet you are weak,
for you don't believe,
nor have you faith.

Death comes by,
as the silent Cry sweeps along,
Cruel as it may seem,
it is the way,
to claim rebirth.

Now, the cry is forgotten,
yet, it still lurks beyond the knowledge,
of those who still sleep.

Remember, some things you can't avoid,
nor can you escape from,
just hold on,
and stand again...

Save Me My Children!!

Her lungs are shrinking every day,
Her skin is depleting too much to say,
Her Blood is dirty and her veins are shallow,
But her heart still beats way down below,

She Tries to show how much she hurts,
But no one seems to have the hearts,
For she fears that one day she'll die,
And with her we shall all bid goodbye,

For as you know mother knows best,
And that is why she tries her best,
To keep her self and all in her,
In perfect balance so we'll be better

So spare some time and lend a hand,
For it is time to save the land,
Because when she cries we have to listen,
As she say, "Save me my children,
Save me my Children."

Ponders of a day

Why everything must be as tragic,
Why can't it all be just magic?
It can't all be a trick,
Else you'd be pretty slick.

We all need more of that smile,
To go through that extra mile,
Life's just for a little while,
Don't let it be too vile...

When people start fighting,
The angels start crying,
Are we even trying?
To stop people from dying?

Please answer me this,
Don't just give me a hiss,
It'd be better with a kiss,
But the point will be a miss.

Like that, this can go on,
For as long as men roam on,
And choose to live with a scorn,
Pain, misery, and such will be born...

Men's day!

On every February 23rd, all across Russia, we observe a national holiday known to most of us as

Men's Day. What many of us don't know is the significance of this day. And of course, this misleads many. Here's a little insight of what you might or might not know:

It's a celebration observed not only in Russia but also in Tajikistan, Kyrgystan, Ukraine, Belarus, and former republics of Soviet Union.

"The holiday marks the date in 1918 during the Russian Civil War when the first mass draft into the Red Army occurred in Petrograd and Moscow. It was originally known as Red Army Day (Russian: День Красной Армии / Dyen' Krasnoy Armii). In 1949, it was renamed Soviet Army and Navy Day (Russian: День Советской Армии и Военно-Морского флота / Dyen' Sovyetskoy Armii i Voyenno-Morskogo flota). Following the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, the holiday was given its current name -Defender of the Fatherland Day ". - source wikipedia

You might now assume that this is a celebration only for veterans of the war. Well, initially this was the case, but as the number of veterans are growing thin day by day, recently it is to include all men as a whole. Something like Father's day in other countries.

Why should we have such a day? I think it's important that even though many of us thrive for equality in the modern world, we must come to realize that man and woman have unique roles which are not interchangeable in the society. Of course we women want equal RIGHTS to the things that are entitled to men. For example, education, work opportunity, protection and more. But in the end of the day, there are certain things that men can do which are not too suitable for a woman to do and vice versa.

So for all the things that men do and provide to the society, this is a day to be thankful for that. Men are more likely to do hazardous jobs, they are more likely to do heavy work, and in case of war, they are the ones in the front line fighting for their families, country and honor. But most of all, men are the backbone of a family. Yes a woman can run a family and she too plays a great role, but a man is a figure of strength in a family.

I would like to take this chance to Thank the man of my life. A husband and a loving partner. F. Zamir. Thank you for your love and kindness towards me. Your patients and understanding. Thank you for providing for me all my needs and beyond that. For taking care of me in sickness, and for sharing with me laughters in Happiness. For having a heart big enough to forgive my shortcomings, and appreciate my strengths. To be a figure strong enough for me to lean on, and still sway to give way to my opinions and decisions. To see me not only for what I appear to be on the outside but as a complete person with flaws and everything. To me, you are my warrior. I know that everyday is a struggle and everyday is a another battle to make things right and to put order into chaos. Don't worry, you are not alone, I will always be here for you. Thank you for choosing me to be your partner in life! I love you. - sincerely, Your wife.

.......................................

People often ask me if marriage changed us, and yes it has. But definitely for the better and not for the worse. We've become accustomed to each other's habits and character. We have a deeper understanding. And we love each other more and more. This is just the tip of the iceberg. For there are many more wonderful things to it. All the men out there must be thinking "yeah, that's what she says, I bet he feels otherwise, prisoned and confined to only one woman!" ... LOL... well, you could ask him for yourself. :P

A Birthday Dedication. Knowing Alex.

So, since I couldn't think of some fancy present for you on your last birthday in Russia. I thought I would write a piece about you. Don't worry, I will write nice things about you :) (hehe, and a lil some some on the side)

I think those of you in NNSMA know Alex either personally or by his Volley Ball reputation. His awesomeness in volleyball is known well among the Malaysian students studying in Russia due to his extraordinary achievements in Intervasity Games. But Alex is not just about Volley Ball, there is more to him than meets the eye. Here, he is known also by several alias' - Lexy, Tan Sri, Volley capten.... and more which maybe i know not off. Personally I think Alex has no enemies here in Nizhny which is of course credited to his tedious efforts to maintain a good rep among friends. He spends a good amount of effort and time to ensure he is always looking at his best and always is a jolly good friend. if you are close to Alex, you will know that he actually has a temper. Only the Durable Galen can withstand his everyday wraths of impatient and silly outbursts. Oh, and for those wondering if he is gay.... let me tell you.. NO. he is not. I'm sorry guys, please do not attempt to woo him, it will not work. For the girls, I'm sorry to break it to you but he is no longer single :P

What else can I point out about Alex? Oh yes, his love for food! He is absolutely dedicating his life to food. He would spend time, money, effort, anything in the name of enjoying a delicious set of tantalizing food. But yes, Alex can be a little cheap at time.. haha but who isn't? Especially in this economic condition that we are in. He loves Volley Ball... alot... alot alot.. I'm sure many of you know that. But he is also good in other sports like ping pong and badminton. Is there anything he can't do? Truly a wonder boy. Good in academics too.

Speaking of academics. Let me tell you something about Alex. He was very hard working in first year, but every year, his efforts greatly deteriorated. Multi factorial he claims. But, there is a but... His academic results never suffered at all. There are still tip top as usual. The secret? He crams like crazy before every exam. Somehow that works for him. Don't ask me how. He sleeps in class and in Lecture. Watch his Chinese series most of the time at home and still gets an excellent grade for his exams... Like I said. Wonder-boy. Hmm.. this should be one of you nicknames dont you think??

Ok, ok... Lets get more juice. Alex is very concerned for his health and well being. He takes alot of supplements, prebiotics, prophylaxis.. you name it, I bet he has it! Sadly, even with such efforts, Alex was diagnosed with Essential Arterial Hypertension about a year ago. He was baffled and unhappy at first but soon came to accept this minor bump in the road. So yes, now alex has to take his meds every morning or else he will get a headache or worse...get grumpy! -poor Galen - Other than that.. he's in very good shape. Always heading to the gym, always making sure his hair is trimmed to the best shape and length. A very tedious person when in comes to maintaining his outlook.

Gossip!!! You can never separate Alex from Gossip. Every time we get together there is always some juicy info. But hey, he never really harmed anyone with his keen interest in human behavior. It's just a past time activity with no ill intention. In addition to that, Alex also loves to travel. He loves planning travels, booking them, helping others with travels, looking for good air fairs. I tell you, if ever medicine was not in his favor, he would become a very successful travel agent!

Some day, when I have more time I will share with you more about Alex. He sure have changed a lot over the year. Appearance, habits and behavior... maybe I'll share some pics now so you can see for yourself what a person Alex is like as time went by. Trust me. Time has been kind to him. :D

This is Alex in first Year... Hmm... I know..this looks wrong. Very wrong.

This is Alex in Second year .......... Always wining something. That's Alex alright :D

This is Alex in 3rd year Yes, the rest of us look geeky as well...

Alex in 4th year, Looks more like him now.... Oh and this one is Alex during Volgo- games :D

I don't know why.. But I don't have pics of Alex in 5th year... strange. Nvm.. we will skip a year.

And This is Alex in 6th year... Alex in a recent snap with the snow :)

So did much of him change over the years?... you be the judge of that.

As for me, I would just like to say how a very great friend Alex has been throughout the years with us. He has helped us a lot. And personally, He has helped me a great deal too. Thanks Alex for everything. I hope you don't high BP from this blog piece. It's strange, I know, but it's my way of showing you how much you mean to me as a friend. Happy Birthday Alex. Hope everything will be in your favor for the future. I know it always has, and so, Hope it will stay that way. Stay young, fit and Healthy ok! Oh, and if you ever decide to open a sushi restaurant, count me IN!!!

How I spent my Christmas - New Year Holiday..

Before the holidays started I had so many things in mind. I wanted to go out, skate, take pictures, make a snowman, bake a cake, try new recipes and the list goes on. But once the holiday started, the days just fly by, and before I know it, it's almost over.

Well, I did get to do some of the things i planned on doing. It wasn't all a waste, but I could've done more. Hmm.. or is it, I should've done mo

re? As far as cooking is concerned, I did lots of that at the begining of the the holidays, upto the point that I'm kinda tired of it now.

Lets look into the things that I did get to do... and move on to the things that I ended up doing instead. LOL... This is going to be interesting. I

dont know if these are listed acording to chronicles of time, but I try to lay them out from which I think was the things I did first to last.

N0 1. First on my achievement list would be.... Christmas Fruit cake! Yay....

I always wanted to make one of these. Didn't actually make the one where you keep for a week, basting in juice or some other liquid. Made the bake today- eat the next day sort. It was still very delicious. The best thing about fruit cakes are the cinnamon smell... It just sets in the Christmas Mood.

N0. 2 - Rosemary Lamb leg stew.

unfortunately... I dont have a decent picture of it. I only have a picture of someone putting a bone in his mouth and licking it. Trust me, it looks very very wrong and I think it is best not to post that picture up. I got great reviews from my friends. They all loved it. I'm not one that writes recipes so can't share it with you. sorry. I'm more of a spontaneous unadventurous cook :D

N0. 3 - Chocolate cake with a hint of lemon frosted with chocolate cream.

This cake was ok. I would have liked it to be more moist and rich with chocolate but it wasn't bad. The deco was bad though. I never bake cakes, what less do the deco. From 1 - 5. I give it a 3. Picture, a friend has it. will upload once I get hold of it.

No. 4- First time making a snowman!!!

I know what you're thinking. Looks more like a snow-woman... than a snow man. haha.. well, the credit goes to Jia lynn who made great efforts to provide the accessories. It was fun. It wasn't so cold that very day. I think it was about -3 C. But it got colder as it got darker and my toes were numb. Did a little tea party after it and went over the pictures. I was just happy to get out of the cold. Not my thing. Maybe my clothes aren't warm enough.. I dont know. Always get cold feet even through 2 layers of socks and lined boots.

No. 5 - I always wanted to take more Pictures in winter. And this time We did just that. Took lots of pictures during the snowman endeavor. But there was more to snap then just trees and snow in the park. The next day we went out to pakrov street. It's a shopping street of sorts, very nice to walk during the summer, not so in the peak winter. There was lots of snow that day, makes it difficult to walk, and it was snowing heavily, which made most pictures tainted with snow flakes. But the walk was fun. Every time we got cold we would walk in a restaurant, a fast food joint, a bank, a shop or just some random bar. We walked all the way to Menina square and took pictures with the Ice sculptures there. Again... The pictures are not with me. But then again, even if i had them i wouldn't share em here. So VAIN!

No. 6 - Make cinnamon rolls! I made them based on a recipe in Allrecipes.com It was really really soft and good. I wanted the sugar to melt more though. I guess I should've added more butter to coat. Unfortunately, I didn't take pictures of em. They were gone fast too. I have many friends, so as the saying goes, Sharing is caring.

No. 7 - This Blog! I have always had this blog but never really figured what to do with it. Posting the same kinda thing is boring and pointless. So, I cam to realize, I could just use this space to write about anything that I like. Kinda like a canvas for my thoughts to be projected upon.

So... pretty much sums it all... Those are the things that I achieved during my 11-day holiday. Not really much huh?

Well... these are the things that I did with the rest of the time....

1. Sleep... most of the day wasted with sleep. I sleep at about 2 and wake up at about 2 in the afternoon.

2. Facebook.. yes, I just sit all day, with my tea, and go through what other people are doing with their lives. Boring, I know... but don't act like you have never done this before yourself :P

3. Watch episodes of Stargate Universe, the Simpsons, Weed, and many many other. Trust me, this can kill time like no other.. after several episodes, 3-4 hours have gone by with little notice.

4.Play online games like DOTA, ceasary, and Facebook games. I may not be very good at it, but it cures the boredom and kills time pretty well.

yeah... other things are pretty much survival stuff like breathing, eating, cooking, self hygiene, nature calls, dreaming, and so on.

Hope your Holiday was more productive than mine. Mine was ok. I spent it resting and lazing around. Taking my time doing things that, on an ordinary day, demand strict limited time. Hope that this read cured a little of your boredom... either that or helped you get in the mood to sleep. I'll be turning in myself...*yawwnn*

To let a day go by...

I've always wondered what to do with a blog? I was never one with determination to stick to one thing. My mind is always flowing in multi directions and so it is hard to share but one side. I'm not a consistent person, I don't really have a hobby. Of course I do enjoy doing certain things more than others but I don't devote much energy into those things either.

So today, I've decided, that my blog would just be about the things that randomly cross my mind. May it be a story, a poem, an experience, or just something i would want to bitch about, that is what I am going to blog about.

For most parts, I enjoy cooking a lot, but rather than a hobby, its partly also an important part of everyday life. Usually after excessive cooking I would tire of it and have days of simple microwave food. Thats just a sample of how my interest fluctuate in time. Other than that I enjoy playing DOTA. For those who have no idea what DOTA is.... well, I suggest you Google it. Life is so simple these days with internet, Google, and Facebook. You barely have to go anywhere and you would have a world of information just with a few key strokes and a some clicks. Ok, we will get to that on another day.

Interest... Lets see, apart from cooking and DOTA, I also love to write. I like writing poems and short stories. Poems more than stories for the reason that they are fast to finish. Anything draggy and requiring a lot of time and effort is usually left unfinished. sigh, such a trait huh?

Pushing Interest to one side, I guess you should know I'm a med student of my final year now. I should be slaving away in the hundreds of pages dedicated to disease and how we could identify it, treat it and hopefully save lives. But hey, I can't possibly drown myself all day in books where every page is just filled with images of disease. So yes, this is where the blog comes in. Some where during the day when I am clueless of what I should be doing, I'd open this page and start aimlessly stroke the keyboard to type out some random blog of the day.

I have no idea what I should start with, what will the pie filling be, or what the end result would look like. All I know is I now have a place to pour out some of my thoughts. I use to like to do it on Facebook, but since there is a limit on the number of words you could post, I guess it isn't to my favor.

The secret.

The secret.

Clueless,

Feelings twirl and swirl,

Breathless,

To think I’m only a girl.

The yearn,

Oh! How bad it feels,

The burn,

Can’t break the seals.

My words speak not,

What my heart desires,

My eyes show not,

The suppressed fires!

I’m not afraid,

But I am terrified,

That which remains unsaid,

Freedom denied.

If I were two,

Both paths I would thread,

None should I answer to,

Papers I need not shred!

The Ugly Duckling

As the season pass, I realise that I'm no longer the person which I have been. I look in the mirror and I no longer know who I have become. Maybe the transition was too quick. Maybe I'm just transformed into what I am suppose to be.

No longer am I an Ugly Duckling. Now I am a graceful swan ready for the world!

With wings that spreads wide, I hope to break limits and shield my loved ones.

With autumn painting colors of gold on the trees, winter is sure to strip it naked. The wind brings chills from afar, sending the first flakes down to earth. Then, what once was a canvas of colors will be covered in a blanket of white.

And so, before the array of colors disappear, I'd like to enjoy the last warm rays of sun on my skin.

Sailor at Bay

The Weather is dark today,
Clouds dark and gloomy grey,
My ship is anchored at bay,
With fees I have to pay.


The wind blows steady and strong,
I hope it will not last long,
Till then I’ll rest along,
With sailors stranded among.


My ship oh she’s a mess,
I think she needs a rest,
I wish her all the best,
For she will pass the test.


What perfect time to see,
And try to rest and be,
Stand steady on land not sea,
Oh my heart is filled with glee!

What if tomorrow never comes?

IS there a point to all this?

The freedom of words is bliss for me. I can write things that I think I would never say out loud anywhere. Not because I cannot but because the norms of society would then label me as an outcast. A pity that I do not have the real strength to say what my heart desires, only the privilege to write anonymously on the net for strangers to read and ponder, or perhaps just take pointless space in the world of the net.
Like the pleasure of listening to your favorite music or reading your favorite book, writing gives you a sense of freedom. You can unload what is cramped up in your mind and soul all in a piece of paper (or page, in this case). But then, what is there to write? What topics or issues are worth scribbling about? Would anyone even bother to waste their precious time to read your doodles of pointlessness?
It doesn’t matter really, whether there are people out there to read it or not. Maybe it would be absolutely pointless, but maybe, just maybe, someone out there would be inspired by it. Maybe it would help shed some light somewhere. So, this is what I am going to do. I would pour my thoughts and my soul into these petty pages for the sake of whoever is reading and paying attention out there. I’m ordinary, maybe even weird, but I, I am unique, because I am me. Trust me, what I’ve been through, you will not encounter everyday. I’ve learned to be strong, and I have transition onto being numb.
How these things occurred? What led it there? Browse through; maybe something would be a hint to you.
Oh yes, what I was really trying to say was, words hold a certain power. It can change the world. Words can start wars and it can end it. Whatever it is that is in your mind, please share it. It might be of the greatest help to the world. Even if it did not have such a global impact, to change one life and to help someone for even one instance is a great stepping stone of achievement in life. This life is too short for us to live only for ourselves. To help other and to share what we’ve been through is only logical enough.

My "Sampan"

Time passes by,
Day by day,
Some wish it would stop,
While others wish it would never end.

The wind blows,
One day or another,
Sometimes calm and soothing,
Wild and cold on others.

Seasons change,
As certain as the sun would rise and set,
People change,
Indefinitely, yet just as certain.

As the world go by,
I paddle through in my little “sampan”,
Battling rough waves,
Enjoying every bit of calm surrender.

Far away is the horizon,
Yet somewhere out there,
I’m certain of a shore,
There I paddle towards day by day.

Yet large waves seem small,
When battled with another,
My “sampan” isn’t barren anymore,
For now, it’s filled with love…

Note: I always believe in optimism, even though I dont practice it alot. Love, it's more than just an expression, it is practically everything we base our life upon. With love everything is possible, and impossible. To define love is like to define life. The fact that humanity is still lost, proves that time nor experience thought anyone what it truly means. But what we do know, is love shapes us, craddle us, and thus the world as we know it.

Why a sampan? Haha...first of all, what is a sampan.... It is a little boat, used by both rich and poor, for, well many reasons. Usually you would find sampans only in rivers, lakes, and small bodies of water. maybe at the shore or coastline of the sea. It can be a device of transport, leasure, or even a source of income. Such a simple technology have blessed many with it's age old uses. It represents a great deal of culture too, especially for people who depend much on rivers, lakes and its many treasures. So why a sampan? Simply, because it is simple yet it survived time and still today, it is build by the hands of our people!

Again, the beauty of poetry is that it is free. Free for everyone the interpret it how they see fit. There is no wrong, there is no right. (not like the school poetry we studied, def:...... etc etc). of course, the author of a poem had something in his or her mind when it was scribbled, but the perfection is achieved when readers could connect and enjoy it in their bit of world.

Well, that is a little bit of what i think. Like i said before, I'm yet to find the talent in me. This is just probably some empty scribbles of nothing. But then again it's somewhat long for "nothing".. :P